listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
