Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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