I'm eating all of the evidence.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
