is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
