Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
