what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
