She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
