Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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