Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
