I could have mohawked her pubes.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
