No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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