she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
