So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
