4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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