I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
