i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
