Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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