I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
