please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
it's like iHOP with fire
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
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she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
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The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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