I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
