My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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