so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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