Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
