she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
