Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
She even gives head with a lisp.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
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Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
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I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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