Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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