I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
