You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just crazy horny about you
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
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