O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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