Are we in a gay sports bar?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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