I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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