A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
