How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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