I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
