Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
