When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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