we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
