I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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