I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
