My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Two words: nipple clamps
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