oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
