I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
