as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
