He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
