you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You had me at "let me see your balls"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
