My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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