id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
