pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
