I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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