your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Acid is not a monday night drug
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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