My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
