i wish there were pregnant emoticons
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
