16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
