I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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