did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
