the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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