Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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