I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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